21March1996

My dear folks,

I have had a very hard day cleaning everything in sight as well as some things that were out of sight. I am very pleased that I do not have to clean things for a living. At least, it brought me one crumb of satisfaction. I’d puzzled on my return from Portugal in February over what had happened to a disappearing bread-roll which I specially brought back off the plane for my supper. It managed to evade a determined search of the flat at the time. Today, I found the little bugger. It was wrapped in a piece of tissue paper, masquerading as a bar of soap at the end of the bath. It wasn’t fit even for the Chechens by the time I discovered it & went straight into the garbage.

There’s a pernicious wheel on the vacuum cleaner. It’s very annoying. The plastic axle has cracked & the wheel is forever coming off. I eventually glued it back on the basis that it’s better to have the wheel, than the axle, dragging along the carpet. I have thrown out the cardboard box in which Mavis preferred to sleep under his red light during winter. I shall explain to the fat cat when I see him that 1. it was getting very grubby. 2. he wasn’t sleeping in it. and 3. winter’s nearly over.

As I’ve another series of nightshifts ahead, I stayed up late & didn’t wake until midday - courtesy of Mavis who wanted to be let into the neighbour’s flat. He doesn’t believe that I don’t have access & stands up against the door with his head screwed round to look pleadingly at me. I wasn’t touched, especially after seeing the hairy deposits he’d left all over the duvet cover which is now in the wash with the rest of the bed clothes. Normally, the bedroom is dark as I keep the skylight shaded but I’d turned all the lights on to do the vacuuming & seen more than I chose. I had planned to carry out the long-postponed raid on Sainsburys. But it’s been grey & wet & cold as usual & I’ve put it off until Thur.

The beef scare continues to escalate. Several of the European countries which were the biggest importers have stopped all British beef exports. And dozens of local authorities across Britain have taken beef off the menu. Farmers are bewildered, especially those who have taken great care not to allow their herds to be contaminated. Details have also been emerging from bitter relatives of the wretched deaths of some of the young victims of Creutzfeldt-Jacob (not Jacob-Creutzfeldt) Disease - CJD. It is invariably both cruel & fatal, so a degree of hysteria is hardly surprising, especially after years of official assurances which have suddenly proved to be hollow. Needless to say, I have taken beef off the Shirland Road menu.

Mr Major has outlined his proposals for a voting system to elect representatives of the various parties in Northern Ireland to take part in “hoped for” all-party talks. For once I feel sorry for Mr Major - something that is very rare for me. Inevitably - as in all things Northern Irish - the parties were totally divided over what they wanted & all have scorned the govt’s compromise proposals. One concludes sadly that the bastards deserve each other. It came as a great shock to me to discover that the eventual death of the province’s most repulsive politician, the Reverend Ian Paisley, may be less of a release than hoped for. You may be aware that Paisley, leader of the Ulster Democratic party, is the world’s best advert for atheism, or at least agnosticism. So it was with a bolt of horror that I saw the son of Paisley talking for the party in the place of the father. God help us all, especially the people of Northern Ireland.